At the end of the course as I was already picturing myself lounging on a sun bed on the Goan beaches, our yogi instructors at the course, Dr.Sushil and Rachel, asked Gammadian and I to stay for an intern-ship and teach pranayama, meditation and philosophy.
​We readily agreed for we have found out that Chandra Yoga is a place of growing and evolving where teachers learn just as much, if not more, than their students.  

I like to share a story with you about recapitulation and dreaming. After meeting and becoming the Energy Body, I began to take a pivotal role in the Castaneda community, putting on workshops with the apprentices of Carlos Castaneda and other bodies and my own workshops all over the world on various topics to do with Toltec Knowledge. Of these the recapitulation retreats became my favourite because of an incredible experience I had.

A large amount of my time was devoted both to Sorcery Passes, Stalking and Dreaming. Still though in my stalking of my childhood I was only finding acrimonious scenes. Me being beaten for what I'd done or hadn't done. I'd constantly run away all my life but at 16 left for good.

I decided to gather a weekly group and make recapitulation our endeavour. Over and over I pulled 

He asked me what was happening, he said "I am ill, something has happened. He'd actually died in a lot of pain from a stroke.. I told him who I was and that he was dead and that he should head toward a thin band of light on the horizon above. I told him I would return.
I also went speedily towards like dawn's light. It was some kind of heaven, but I wasn't taking much notice as I wanted to find my mother. I finally came out into this beautiful serene place. My mother was lying there with her eyes closed, bathed in a luminescence.

She looked so at peace, but I was so pissed at her. I asked her why I'd had to spend so much of my childhood black and blue just because I was energetic and wild? "What made you think you had the right to beat me, often for things my sisters did?" She became awake but had no concern for my feelings.

I became highly irate and changed into a bear. I roared at her. I grabbed her from her repose and tore at her body. I ripped her apart. Yet she reformed into her peaceful repose. Many times I roared and clawed until she was no more but I couldn't destroy her.

She said to me "your concerns are no longer mine, I have made my peace with my actions. I recommend you do the same thing."

"Maybe you have no Earthly concerns but your husband who you swore undying love for is in a terrible state in a realm below. I am not sure how to bring him here." I said.

"It will be done, together we will bring him. Return to where he is and escort him I will lend assistance."

‘’I was walking along the road in Kensington, it was evening yet I had no sense of continuity. I had so much energy and clarity; I knew I was dreaming, not sure whether I was awake or asleep.
I bounded up from the payment in a leap. I was flying looking down at London. I intended to meet up with other dreamers, I could feel then see Fabrice, he was at a console doing something, looking at a screen.

The voice said “You are a virus, the ultimate virus, an artist of change. You are becoming, accept and allow this power. You are the dreamer of your reality. Nothing that you see has not been created by you.
You are dreaming by default now, you are a fledgling. Intend your reality. Choose what you perceive. Accept, act and flow, in your power.
You humans though are a strange mixture of the finite and infinite, the personal and impersonal, the concrete and the abstract, you would say inorganic and organic.

We are dreamers of our own reality. There is nothing that we experience that is not created by us. We are expansive, we are unimaginable. When we take responsibility for our creation then, we become able to command it.
Command the energies you perceive around you. Command fear; tell it, ‘’I was not created for you, but you for me. You are my servant. Be alert and available, warn me when it is appropriate, otherwise just be ready.’’

Any powers that you recognise command them similarly. What human-kind call gods and demons are there for your command. You have the power to dream new worlds, exercise and exploit this power and truly enjoy it.
This is your time, celebrate it moment by moment, this is how the moments roll on as your dream, they gather momentum and volition. Intend your dream.
You are dreamers in the now, your experience of silence and exultation is a seed. Let go of all personal concern. Do not care for results, act because you are inspired and your doing is as nothing.

Go beyond all descriptions. Cast out all conceptions and dream. Reside in your heart, a place of rest and passion. Silence and acceptance embrace you. Allow the opening.
See the play of colours on the screen of your imagination, this is your play. Everything is fluid and malleable. If you find resistance, withdraw and find another way. There is a way to all things and you will be shown everything you need, to facilitate you.
Do not worry, obsess or judge yourselves. Relax - the joy you feel is the joy of every cell as it awakens to discovery. Go deep inside find your intents and flourish.’’

This tale is unbelievable; unbelievable to me who lived it but undeniable and true, so I have found my resolution to tell this extraordinary account of this incident from my life. 
I had complications with TB at the age of 30 so spent many years in a wheel chair, however by the millennium, 15 years later I had progressed to walking on sticks. I was though still in incredible pain and surges of electricity like energy would course down my leg making me scream. I became addicted to painkillers and my curtailed life. 
One night at a party filled with successful witty and charming people that were well disposed towards me I felt so low. It was an ideal party yet I had no energy to take part in it.

I found a room that was empty and turned on the TV. I thought about my wonderful life and how dreadful it had become, where I couldn’t even enjoy an evening with my friends. The pain and my bad humour were unbearable. I reached the lowest point of my life.

After a while I began though to think not of the bad times but of the good years the joy of friends and travel. Particularly I thought of Prem Rawat a man from Haridwar in Uttar Pradesh India whom I had met on my travels who had freely given me a meditation-like practice he called self-knowledge. I remembered how simple yet profound this knowledge was and how good it felt to practice.

It hurt me to think that I had largely stopped it. I knew in that moment that I couldn’t live any longer as I was. I swore to myself that I would practice what I had been shown every day. Although it was not always easy, I did this, and from that day every aspect of my life improved. If there were clouds in my day then I knew that the sun was behind then and the clouds would bring rain to nourish the earth and so me. My cup often half-empty was half-full and filling.
A life with joy and gratitude as its base, blossoms. One day I felt really good and was thinking of starting some gentle exercise. Knowing I couldn’t join a class with my disability, I went to the bookshop to buy a book on tai chi; hoping that in the privacy of my own home I could practice and attain a level that would allow me to train under a teacher later.

In the bookshop I found a manual on tai chi and then went to explore the other books. I had always been a fan of Carlos Castaneda’s writings about his magical apprenticeship in Mexico. On the shelf I found a book by him, that I hadn’t read, called The Magical Passes subtitled The Practical Wisdom of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico. The book excited me; filled with 

descriptions and pictures of physical exercises it seemed to fill the gap, left by his earlier work. I left with this book and returned the tai chi book to the shelf.
With little energy, in pain and debilitated from my disability it was slow work learning from the book yet it still enticed me and I started to generate a daily practice.

I had a great feeling of energy, optimism and well-being. Practicing these Energy Passes, (www.beingenergy.com) needed a fine sense of balance. I had little balance without my walking sticks. Time and time again I would fall to the floor and have to pick myself up again, yet I continued with it day after day. It was a powerful and re-vitalising process.
I had been practicing daily for 6 months I was falling less, my body was stronger and I was a lot more alert. 

Like every day I meditated eat breakfast and then practiced Energy Passes. By the time I finished I was tingling all over feeling exhilarated.

Sweaty from my exercise I went to the bathroom to shave and bathe. I shaved and before bathing happened to catch my eye in the reflection from a full length mirror. I felt an immediate longing, a deep sense of love and attraction and heightened concentration.

I tuned into this growing feeling of deep love for myself: In and out of a real yet dream-like state, I slipped. Feeling that something incredible was happening I renewed my attentions. My love and attention drew from the mirror another being, my energy body. For a moment I was horrified. However as the being called by my attention stepped from the mirror I engaged with and became it. I looked at my vacated body staring in the mirror. It was uncomfortable sharing a room with it so I left.

I went into the front room and practiced the Energy Passes I knew. Many more appeared spontaneously and I danced my joy and determination. Never had I felt such power and wonder in my life.I moved with no thought breath by breath soaking up the immediacy of being. A thought came to me after many hours “You have gone mad, do you really think that you have left your body in the bathroom?” With a surge of energy I banished this thought yet after sometime the nagging voice returned and I had to respond by returning to the bathroom. As I walked in I saw my body as I had left it.

My nausea returned and with the nausea fear, panic and religious thoughts of demonic possession. 
A calm loving voice filled me. It told me to calm myself and return to my everyday body as I no longer had the energy to sustain this non-ordinary state of being. Somehow I did return. I was back in my body, I felt drained confused and excited. 
I still did not know the full implications of my experience. Yet it was obvious to me that what we consider reality is only one level of perception: An outer layer dictated by our thoughts.

The next day I visited a neighbour, he offered me a beer which I refused saying with surprise, “I don’t drink alcohol.” He offered me a smoke and I made a similar reply. I was as astounded as him. I realised also that I had walked to his house without my walking sticks.
After my experience I read a lot about this fascinating subject and other similar accounts and got what happened to me in context a little. I was re-vitalised, full of energy which was flowing in a way it hadn’t since childhood. I was optimistic full of appreciation, awe and joy at life.

I was no longer in pain, in fact just the opposite. I had never known it was possible to feel this good. I felt decisive and free. With no need for pain-killing medication I easily stopped using it. My doctor was surprised to see me neither dependant on walking sticks or medication. She said that it was a miracle. 
It has been a long time since I had this magical experience, I have continued with my practices and became a Being Energy teacher. I am deeply grateful for everything and everyone including my own effort that has made it possible.