This tale is unbelievable; unbelievable to me who lived it but undeniable and true, so I have found my resolution to tell this extraordinary account of this incident from my life. I had complications with TB at the age of 30 so spent many years in a wheel chair, however by the millennium, 15 years later I had progressed to walking on sticks. I was though still in incredible pain and surges of electricity like energy would course down my leg making me scream. I became addicted to painkillers and my curtailed life. One night at a party filled with successful witty and charming people that were well disposed towards me I felt so low. It was an ideal party yet I had no energy to take part in it.
I found a room that was empty and turned on the TV. I thought about my wonderful life and how dreadful it had become, where I couldn’t even enjoy an evening with my friends. The pain and my bad humour were unbearable. I reached the lowest point of my life.
After a while I began though to think not of the bad times but of the good years the joy of friends and travel. Particularly I thought of Prem Rawat a man from Haridwar in Uttar Pradesh India whom I had met on my travels who had freely given me a meditation-like practice he called self-knowledge. I remembered how simple yet profound this knowledge was and how good it felt to practice.
It hurt me to think that I had largely stopped it. I knew in that moment that I couldn’t live any longer as I was. I swore to myself that I would practice what I had been shown every day. Although it was not always easy, I did this, and from that day every aspect of my life improved. If there were clouds in my day then I knew that the sun was behind then and the clouds would bring rain to nourish the earth and so me. My cup often half-empty was half-full and filling. A life with joy and gratitude as its base, blossoms. One day I felt really good and was thinking of starting some gentle exercise. Knowing I couldn’t join a class with my disability, I went to the bookshop to buy a book on tai chi; hoping that in the privacy of my own home I could practice and attain a level that would allow me to train under a teacher later.
In the bookshop I found a manual on tai chi and then went to explore the other books. I had always been a fan of Carlos Castaneda’s writings about his magical apprenticeship in Mexico. On the shelf I found a book by him, that I hadn’t read, called The Magical Passes subtitled The Practical Wisdom of the Shamans of Ancient Mexico. The book excited me; filled with
descriptions and pictures of physical exercises it seemed to fill the gap, left by his earlier work. I left with this book and returned the tai chi book to the shelf. With little energy, in pain and debilitated from my disability it was slow work learning from the book yet it still enticed me and I started to generate a daily practice.
I had a great feeling of energy, optimism and well-being. Practicing these Energy Passes, (www.beingenergy.com) needed a fine sense of balance. I had little balance without my walking sticks. Time and time again I would fall to the floor and have to pick myself up again, yet I continued with it day after day. It was a powerful and re-vitalising process. I had been practicing daily for 6 months I was falling less, my body was stronger and I was a lot more alert.
Like every day I meditated eat breakfast and then practiced Energy Passes. By the time I finished I was tingling all over feeling exhilarated.
Sweaty from my exercise I went to the bathroom to shave and bathe. I shaved and before bathing happened to catch my eye in the reflection from a full length mirror. I felt an immediate longing, a deep sense of love and attraction and heightened concentration.
I tuned into this growing feeling of deep love for myself: In and out of a real yet dream-like state, I slipped. Feeling that something incredible was happening I renewed my attentions. My love and attention drew from the mirror another being, my energy body. For a moment I was horrified. However as the being called by my attention stepped from the mirror I engaged with and became it. I looked at my vacated body staring in the mirror. It was uncomfortable sharing a room with it so I left.
I went into the front room and practiced the Energy Passes I knew. Many more appeared spontaneously and I danced my joy and determination. Never had I felt such power and wonder in my life.I moved with no thought breath by breath soaking up the immediacy of being. A thought came to me after many hours “You have gone mad, do you really think that you have left your body in the bathroom?” With a surge of energy I banished this thought yet after sometime the nagging voice returned and I had to respond by returning to the bathroom. As I walked in I saw my body as I had left it.
My nausea returned and with the nausea fear, panic and religious thoughts of demonic possession. A calm loving voice filled me. It told me to calm myself and return to my everyday body as I no longer had the energy to sustain this non-ordinary state of being. Somehow I did return. I was back in my body, I felt drained confused and excited. I still did not know the full implications of my experience. Yet it was obvious to me that what we consider reality is only one level of perception: An outer layer dictated by our thoughts.
The next day I visited a neighbour, he offered me a beer which I refused saying with surprise, “I don’t drink alcohol.” He offered me a smoke and I made a similar reply. I was as astounded as him. I realised also that I had walked to his house without my walking sticks. After my experience I read a lot about this fascinating subject and other similar accounts and got what happened to me in context a little. I was re-vitalised, full of energy which was flowing in a way it hadn’t since childhood. I was optimistic full of appreciation, awe and joy at life.
I was no longer in pain, in fact just the opposite. I had never known it was possible to feel this good. I felt decisive and free. With no need for pain-killing medication I easily stopped using it. My doctor was surprised to see me neither dependant on walking sticks or medication. She said that it was a miracle. It has been a long time since I had this magical experience, I have continued with my practices and became a Being Energy teacher. I am deeply grateful for everything and everyone including my own effort that has made it possible.